Snug Slug Activities

That’s what I want to do. I want to give up.

Over the last four years I have applied to over 800 jobs. I have been offered seven jobs, three of which I turned down; the four that I accepted were always meant to be temporary.

The first was truly temporary, filling in on an emergency basis until they found someone permanent. The second was a full-time job, but low pay and no benefits. I was there for two years before I felt like I absolutely had to get out. The third was another temporary position, working as a cleaner. The fourth, the job I am working now, is only part-time.

I enjoy the job that I have now, the problem is that I simply cannot survive on working 15 hours a week. I have been there for a year now, living paycheck to paycheck, living in my mother’s house when I’m not sleeping in my sister’s craft room in my brother’s basement.

I am tired.

I just got rejected, again, for a job that I really wanted. It’s always the same thing: weeks of waiting, multiple rounds of interviews, more waiting, making a plan in case I have to relocate suddenly, and then having it all fall apart.

Because I am an excellent candidate. It was such a hard decision. They’ve just chosen someone with a few more years of experience or they’ve decided to promote someone internally. “In a different candidate pool, you would have been our top choice.”

I cannot write another cover letter, or fill out pages of the same work history that’s in my resume, or send one more cheery email about how excited I am for this opportunity. I am so done begging someone to let me work for them.

I already felt like a failure before 800 potential employers told me I was worthless.

I want to give up, but I feel like I don’t even know how to do that.

I do know that I’m tired of spending all of my spare time scrolling job boards.

So maybe that is what I need to give up.